evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
