lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
