I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
