I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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