Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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