dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
