I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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