Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
