Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
