How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Enjoy the penises
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
