i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
