Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
