I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
