I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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