quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need moral support for this bender
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
