Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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