I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
