i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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