just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
