This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
