How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
