this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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