I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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