Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
