I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
