so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
