So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i love accidental penises.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
