kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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