I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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