Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
