her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
