Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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