Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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