You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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