Already got asked if we're dating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I could fuck to npr.
Im part way to drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
