Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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