My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
