even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
