just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
