God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
