Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
