We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
