I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
