i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
