also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
