Sry I called you an 8
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
