Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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