I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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