Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
