nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
