Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
