it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
