does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
