Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
