my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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