i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
