Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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