He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
