Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
