First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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