you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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