The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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