Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
