my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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