At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
