when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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