Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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