So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
