That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
