Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
