my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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