gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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