I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
