Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
