She's JV to your varsity
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
