member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
