Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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