how can u be prego again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
