what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
