His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
