I can't watch pbs sober anymore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
