i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
