Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
