Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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