Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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