please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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