It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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