I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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