This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
