Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize