Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
