Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
