shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
