I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
