Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
